Thursday, May 25, 2006
helloooss! i'm back once again. and so is ka jenny!!!i'm SO glad she's back!! it's just so special to have her around.. there's just no one like her:) i'm so glad you're home but i just wish you wouldn't sleep SO much. i just realised i haven't updated since my chem paper which was SOO long ago so here i go. well the week after my exams we had three days of prayer meetings.. if you can call it that. it was truly wonderful. i guess i've never really been that close to God during prayer than then. and i can guess why. my exams were over so i wasn't distracted by the work i had at home or something.. i made sure i wasn't affected by the people around me or judging them.. i made sure it was just me and God and for sincerely the first time.. i understood what it meant for God to speak to me when i'm praying. i mean to me all my life prayer has just been me asking God for things.. thanking Him for things.. but i never asked Him what's on HIS heart. sometimes i would try to listen to His voice.. but i'd either end up listening to my own voice in my head or nodding off to sleep :), bored of waiting. but now i understand. i can't expect God to just start talking to me while i sit there with my eyes closed waiting for something, anything! i've found that when i ask God, He answers. Like i asked Him what He wanted me to do in school, and He said to pray every morning with Karyn.. and I asked what He wanted me to do at home.. and He said to form a closer bond with my dad. and i mean of course alot more.. but e point is i now understand what it means to listen to God. it means to ask God what His cares are and how i can help. it's about blocking everything else out and remembering that in the end, this is the most important thing to do, to listen to God and do whatever He wants me to with faith and perserverence. the praying thing in ckass isn't really working out.. either Karyn or I always seem to have something more important to do in e morning and that just can't be the way. i personally have to learn to keep aside time for prayer, however much i might have to do. i'm a little distracted now.. cause i'm gonna have auditions in a while and i haven't really warmed up and stuff so i should really go. but it's good to know that God has this audition in His hand and that if i don't get in.. then it's His will. I'm so glad i know a God who i can count on and depend on to lead me in His perfect path. Thank You God! ..rubhi
Child of God;
3:53 AM
Friday, May 05, 2006
I'm not failing my chem!(or at least i hope not:)) Thank you God!! It really wasn't as bad as i expected it to be. i mean the night before when i tried that paper.. i could barely do anything! it was horrible. and then during my actual paper.. i don't know. it was okay. i didn't suffer like the night before.. and i knew that was God helping me. making my mind clearer, providing me the memory i needed which i always lack so much of. and RIGHT before the exam Praba revised with me, and i know it was God directing us to which pages to turn to.. cause everything we studied like 15mins before the test came out! things i didn't know before. even just seeing praba's chemical equations on a few pages as she flipped through her file helped me cause she wrote H2O2 + something=... and i was thinking oh THAT'S hydrogen peroxide, and it came out! and i knew how to write e formula. thank you Lord! AND everyone found last year's paper(e one i was doing the night before) EASIER than our one. i know! God is so good. well my mind is alot clearer now about what it means to work for God. it means do my best and then leave it all the rest to God. I guess people can say "do your best and God will do the rest" and "it was all God!" and stuff like that but you'll never understand until you actually experience it ya know? I had A math and Geography today. Both papers didn't go too well. i mean a-maths was well, too thinking? you know? stuff that's hard to do in a strict time limit. i need to practise more. geography...hhhaaaii.. i don't really know. it was just well weird. some questions were just so out of the textbook i didn't know how to do them. It's okay though.. i know God's proud of the work i did. i mean i've never studied like i studied for these mid-years.. staying up late (like 1200 late okay!) i mean i know i've got to keep working hard or harder for the whole year (i'm talking like my mid-years are over or something:) still got emath, physics, amathspaper2) but i'm just real happy that i'm not so affected by marks on a paper anymore. there's no motivation like God! ..rubhi
You are the potter i am the clay
mould me and make me this is what i pray
change my heart oh God
make it ever true
change my heart oh God
may i be more like you
Child of God;
1:22 AM
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
it's amazing how just doing one paper can change your mood so much. i'm having chem tomorrow and i tried the chem mid-year paper only now (big mistake) so i'm now totally confused and convinced that i'm gonna fail the chem paper tomorrow. it's just really sickening you know? to study so much and then get a failing mark.. but i'm still know that whatever it is however many marks i get, they're still just marks on a paper and what matters more to me is that God's proud of me. what can be better than that? i mean i've done my best and that's what God wants and so i'm sure He'll be pleased.. i promise to do my best during the paper tomorrow Lord- it doesn't matter to me what marks i get, my life is in your hands and i will just do everything to the best of my ability and i know you will make the best out of it, and mould my life according to your plan. I thank you for making yourself known to me, that i have a Rock in times of need and a Purpose that i can always hold on to. i will continue to do my best for You Lord, honour that work and use it for your plan Lord. Thank you for remaining faithful even when i am not, and getting me through the past few papers. I pray that You will continue to give me the strength i need and I will never lose sight of You Lord, even during the papers. Thank yuo for providing me an aim and goal in life, i couldn't ask for more ..rubhi
Child of God;
5:11 AM
