Friday, July 21, 2006
hellooos! it's been quite a weird week. nothing much actually happened, but yet alot did. i mean school was boring. we had tests.. most of which i'm sure i didn't do well for. i've been practising piano like crazy cause i've got an exam next week thursday and i'm not one bit prepared. hehe. but i'm just trusting God with it now. it was real hard for me to do that at first cause it became all about the exam.. esp when ms ong started panicking and things.. ya but yesterday i thought about it, and decided like anything else.. i'm gonna do this for God and someday He'll use this skill for His glory i'm sure. so right now.. i'm just gonna do my best and let God take care of the rest. it's gonna be real hard work next week handling e work and piano. oh shishkebab. i realised something.. i can always grasp the idea of doing it FOR God but not so much e idea of doing it WITH God.. relying on His strength. and it sometimes comes to a point that i think all my achievements are all by my own strength and i totally leave God out of the picture, when it's only by God's grace that i'm achieving any of it. "in every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone"-- and ya, that song always comes to mind. is it just me or is my writing all formal-ish today? it feels like it. oh well. maybe i'm just having a formal day. don't ask what that means. so anyway.. e weird thing is.. God has been putting this passion for tamil in my heart. yes you heard it right.. TAMIL. i mean a few months back i was detesting it, hoping i could not do e exam in may, and here i am.. wanting to do e next one in november so i can improve my tamil. i mean that HAS to be God stirring up that passion for tamil. and i'm not sure why exactly..maybe it's leading up to a mission trip to India He wants me to go for.. or maybe it's service in the Tamil congregation.. who knows. whatever it is i'm gonna stop trying to guess and just really try to get my tamil into shape.. maybe call atthai(my predominantly tamil-speaking aunt) and talk to her for a while everyday. that'd be interesting. (what's with e formal writing? must be doing too many letters+compos) plus i think i need to move out of the youth service for a while. i think the past few weeks i've been a bit too caught up with the great music and the great company that i've been losing my focus on God. i mean at some point, i used to wait so eagerly for Sunday so that i could really spend some quality time with God cause i'm always so rushed in the week, but now all i look forward to is meeting my friends and generally to have a good time. i know it's not wrong to have a good time. i mean the Bible says rejoice, sing, dance in church but it also says to do all that praising God. i've started losing my focus on God, and my enjoyment is no longer centred on God. ya and i really didn't know what to do so i prayed and God told me to try out other services, i think mainly the SES(saturday evening service) one and the tamil service. so i think maybe next next week i'll try out these 2 services. i would this week, but one of Shalini's cousins is coming to youth service this week (WOOHOO!) so since i'm one of e few people she knows i thought i should go help her feel welcomed and invite her to our cell group. (it's NOT a compo rubhinni!) really don't know what's wrong with me today. and next week we'll be off to JB so i won't be going to church. anyway i better go before i sign of as yours sincerely Rubhinni Durai or something :D haha! anyway i need to sleep. yes. NEED. good nap!
P.S if you were wondering about my title.. today i had this weird sandwich called the famous rosemary chicken at cedele.. and it was SWEET. ya.. they put cranberry sauce on the chicken. TELL me about it.
Child of God;
11:02 PM
Monday, July 10, 2006
hi it's me again :D so it's been a few very weird weeks. I feel i'm closer to God than ever yet really far away. i've been really sad these past few days and i don't know why. i'm not sure if it's for someone else..but i don't thnk so. i have a feeling Satan's been doing this.. getting me really miserable.. to the extent that i don't want to ask God for help.. but He's been helping me anyway. Even when i am not faithful, He is. oh how many times i've experienced God's faithfulness to me. He's always there and i couldn't thank Him more for that. the aural was horrible. But i really think i deserved it. i didn't practise much or anything although i know i'm weak at tamil. i just prayed that God would give me the mark He felt i deserved and that He'd give me whatever was best for me and i've a feeling He did :D oh shishkebab. but the good thing is when i got home, i wasn't totally depressed or anything.. sad.. but not like horrified. i was doing it for God and i know i hadn't done my best to practise but God won't let this one slip-up change the course of my life and i can trust in Him nomatterwhat.. That's just what's so great about knowing God. There's just this complete sense of security. that whatever it is.. whatever may go wrong, God is still there. He's that rock that will never move from your side or stop helping or comforting or teaching you. He's the only one i can ever depend on..everything else will fade away. and right now i just feel so priviledged and so joyous that God picked me to get to know Him. no problem will ever be able to overcome me cause I've got God on my side. and that's just such a comforting truth. I sincerely cannot imagine a life without knowing God now that i do. what would i do when i get upset by someone or get afraid in the dark or afraid that an insect might come attack me any moment or stressed out during my exams or get confused with what to do with my life? What purpose would i have? now THAT would be confusing to handle. i guess i have quite taken God for granted, surely i would be nowhere if He hadn't let me get to know Him. i really can't imagine a life without Him, even if i try! He's every part of me. and i can't even start to express my gratitude.
Child of God;
3:38 AM
