Saturday, August 26, 2006
hihi! yes i'm back.. after a seriously looong time :D it's exam time again so i just haven't been able to find the time plus i won't be able to type much so here goes! (i'm so weird:)) it's been kind of a mixed few weeks for me. Ka jenny! i wanted to call and tell you and ask for advice but i'm never able to reach you when i call for some reason.. so i'll say it here ya? right before you left, you were battling with pride and i now.. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. well ever since you left i've realised how much pride I had in my life. oh my gosh i'm so proud!!! and about the stupidest things too! i mean it was much worse a few weeks ago, but God's been helping me handle it. i've just come to realise that i'm constantly judging people around me, trying to make myself superior in some way. i'm always trying to find something wrong with people who seem perfect, just so i feel better about myself. i'm even proud of my spiriual relationship with God being "closer" than certain other people!!! which is like the WORST thing to be proud of cause you can NEVER judge someone's spiritual walk with God however well you know them.. cause that's between them and God. YET, i get proud. and there's oh so many more things and the thing is, this isn't a sin that you can abstain from doing very easily.. i mean lying and cheating, you can restrain yourself, but unconsciously making judgements in my mind, secretly feeling proud that you got higher marks than someone else.. it's so hard to restrain.. it just comes! you know what God brought to my mind? Pride is the root of all evil. and it's so true!!! like in Mere Christianity C.S. Lewis writes about how it was pride, that made Lucifer want to be superior to God- and out comes Satan. and i'm really glad that God gave me that book to read before I realised all this sin in my life. He wrote how it is pride that causes greed, jealousy and so many other sins.. but God has really been helping me through all this. He reminded me of that verse my sis mom and i read when we doing Quiet Time together.. in Timothy Chapter one i think.. "This is a saying that deserves full acceptance- Christ died for sinners, of whom I am the worst". IT's really quite amazing.. that Paul, the wisest person i've ever heard of could have such humility as to adopt an "i am the worst of all sinners attitude". oooh! revelation! :D i think what he's trying to say is that we all need to adopt a mind of total servitude. i mean if i was e worst of all sinners, would i not feel inferior to everyone else all e time. so i'm thinking he probably means that we should take up an attitude of servanthood to everyone we meet. to be a servant to my friends, to my parents.. i mean not so much that i get used and stepped on..but just to always have the mindset that i am here to serve to be lower than the people around me. does that make sense? whatever it is.. all i know is i'm actually PROUD that i can admit i'm proud. the pride never ends! well no sins ever ends until Christ comes again! so till then i'll just keep praying! God has been really good to me throughout my exams.. He's always been here when i've needed Him. He's been giving me so much strength and clarity of mind and focus and hope and rest and the list goes on and on and on. God ROCKS! seriously. i tihnk i should end of with a little miracle that happened this morning ("we can't stop speaking about what we've seen and heard!"-can't remember which book in the Bible but i think Paul said it:)) so i was supposed to wake up at 5:30 cause i slept really early.. ubt i tihnk i dind't press my snooze button properly.. and by the time i woke up it was almost 7! so i almost started panicking cause i had missed out on a good 1 1/2 hours of studying but then i started getting all my messages, and last of all came from ka jenny!!! and she was saying how she hopes i'm getting enough rest and stuff, and i KNOW that God was trying to tell me.. relax. it's okay! you needed the rest.. just put your studies in My hands and trust in Me! and the super cool thing is.. my sister sent the message at 1pm yesterday morning, but i received the message EXACTLY at the time i woke up cause it came about a minute after e first few messages which were sent e night before! SO COOL right? God is such a cool God!
Child of God;
4:23 AM
