Monday, October 08, 2007
hello everyone!!! they're officially OVER!!!!
hahahaha! nono don't worry this is really a new post! miracle eh aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!! i'm baaaaaaaaaaccckkk!!! i know i'ts been like 5 days since my promos ended but i think it's finall hit me! aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!! i can relaaaaxxxx at last! unfortunately.. e problem with me is.. tt's harder than actually studying sometimes :D i sit in fromt onf e tv feeing horribly guilty most of e time.. like i'm wasting my time away.. which i am.. but surely i have permission to do so now! ah anyway! my promos went horribly. so horribly i hate talking about it so i'm not going to! =) i feel sooooo much better than i ever have after any exam. this one just took too much out of me. i will forever hate burger king and delifrance in holland v. kfc's quite smart.. they don't let students study there :D in this memorable miraculous blog entry i will OFFICIALLY apologise to Karyn Ang because i didn't reply her message on monday. kaarryyynnn! i'm so so sorry! hope i didn't destroy any of your plans for today! i always do this! sorry! yupp ok actually i don't have much to say! there hasn't been much happening in my life. it's just been studying studying then watching tv being a slob.. nothing much really. oh! yesterday i saw a little girl who could hypnotise lizards!!! yaaa so gross right??? she would pick up e lizard and then rub its tummy and then it would stay in whatever position she wanted it to be in. quite cool i must say but eternally yucky. yes, this is how uneventful my life's been :D i think this whole time of studying has really taught me alot of things though.. i think throughout it i was seriously relying on my strength and i just couldn't help it!!! i really own't be surprised if i don't do well.. even if i get retatined.. cause i panicked so much during e exams.. i just couldn't seem to find e peace to trust that i could rest in God. i never did it purely for Him. and that was a horrible reality i only realised later. i think it was all e competition in my class. you can't see it on e surface but everyone was taking count. i've been thinking.. is it a good thing i'm in a competitive class? since they do make me work harder although it's for e wrong reason? i think to some extent.. it's probably a good thing.. cause they do set a good benchmark.. but when it comes to e reason for trying my best.. trying to achieve 'competitive grades' it's all bad. i would constantly be thinking about how much work my classmates were doing and then do work out of worry that i might not do as well that i might not get to next year.. i basically studied in fear. which is why i was always so stressed! it's all so dumb. Looking from God's eyes.. all of it seems so so stupid. this girl trying to do it all on her own and stressing out so much over doing a few tests. tests to just see how much she knows up till now. and stressing out and rarely turning to her Creator, the source of all her strength, the only one deserving of doing it all for. stressing out so much over her future when everything's already in His hands. poor results or not, retained or not.. God's incharge of my future!! He's got it all planned out already.. a few tests just CAN'T change His amazing plan for my life!! why do i never realise all these things like before my exams??? :D mom let me continue my prayer meetings on mondays yesterday and i was just so so blessed by it! i realised i honestly missed God. I've been separating myself from God so much i just totally forgot what it felt like to pray for like an hour and just indulge in His calming presence. and i realised how important church was.. for me especially! i needed people i was held accountable to. i needed people to bring me back to God whenever i tried to run away. so i really need to keep my life in order so i can continue to keep my commitments in church.. i still can't comprehend how faithful God can be though! so so faithful! He was always with me throughout my exams..even when i refused to be with Him. He carried me through that time.. i never broke down, i never gave up.. and it's only cause of Him. He kept bringing friends to help me with this and that. There is really no one like You God! I just realised i used that exact phrase in my previous post! yea i tihnk Go'ds really been showing me His faithfulness this year. but i still can't comprehend it! ohh! i still haven't told ya'll about my tamil oral!!! ok it was ages ago i know! but you know how i SUCK at speaking in tamil.. yea but that day was amazing!!! i was just talking to myself about e topic that came out in e morning of e exam. i just couldn't thank God more! and i actually managed to 'talk' =) until the guy told me to stop!!! they onyl asked me one question!!! aaah. God is amazing, i don't know what i'd do without You my God! as a song goes.. What can i say? What could i do? But offer this heart oh God. Completely to You.
Child of God;
11:40 PM
