Sunday, April 30, 2006
hi!!
it's been a loooong time since i last blogged. okay maybe not THAT long according to ka jenny's standards but long enough according to mine! where do i start? lent! definitely! i'm not like a totally new person or anything (i think that can only happen once while on Earth :)) but i do have a new found sense of realisation. i've come to realise whatever has been blocking me from God. including my studies, which i put so much importance on i actually start putting my quiet time with God in between slots for my study time. i shouldn't be making time for God, i should be making time for my studies. then again even my studying i do to honour God and use the ability He's given me so that in itself is worship to Him right. i've found that when people talk about worship the first thing that comes to every christian's mind (or at least mine) is singing and praising Him with songs but that's not all it is. worshipping God can be giving my life to Him or even just an aspect of it. worshipping Him can be just knowing He is the only God and revering Him. worshipping Him is studying/working/going about our daily lives in a way that is honourable or pleasing to Him. okay i've diverted quite abit. i can totally survive without my weekly fixes of american idol! or choir! or a plan to go out in the weekend! i don't need them to get through my week.. i'm perfectly fine with the joy of the Lord as my strength. He's given me so much throughout this could-have-been-really-stressful week. not just strength but peace, reassurance, and i think especially, an aim. everytime i just felt like uggggggggh.. i don't wanna do this anymore!! i just remembered Who i'm doing this for and i always somehow find new strength and determination. doing it for anything else i'd end up at the question.. so what? well anyway i had this terrible/wonderful INCIDENT with two insects. yes TWO. so i was happily and innocently studying in the hall while pop and mom were in e room and mom was clearing her table. then she comes out of her room and i think: oh she probably wants to put away some stuff and then suddenly i fel this swish at my head and it didn't take me 2 seconds to realise that there was probably a fly in my hair. I KNOW!! how gross right? and it wasn't just some ordinary housefly but one those flies that get attracted to the light and then burn and die? yea those. and it's was just so utterly gross cause it had probably been sitting in my bushy, cool (i'd just washed it) hair thinking hey! this isn't half bad! and i'm not burning i'm not burning! shishkebab. and so that was the first insect. sooo.. the same night where i'm again innocently walking about taking a break before i switch subjects when i find myself at the dining room table fidling with something. and i'm like hmm.. what could that be? so i look down and i see this saga seed like thing (it was dark reddish-brown!) and then i put it down and it's a.. a.. BEETLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXACTLY! even gross-er right??? and all in the same night! so obviuosly i screamed and screamed and shivered and shivered at the mere thought of fiddling with that thing and went and washed my hands like 5 times. YUCK. yea well after i got over the whole trauma of the incident and came a little back to my right mind i realised that both times however disgusted i felt, i never felt any pain! i mean the beetle could have very well bitten me. i mean i was turning it around in my fingers. if somebody tried to turn ME around i probably would have gotten quite visious myself but it didn't do a thing. and i promise you that my scalp is fine and my hair's all intact. so i know God was teaching me a lesson. He told me through that that He is incharge of all inects and creatures of the Earth and He won't let them harm me. I thank you for that Lord, that you care so much about me. i must say my fear for beetles has decreased considerably having fiddled with a real-life one:D but i know i can't go about fiddling with every insect just to get over my fear. i have to trust in God.. there's no other way. and i don't know why it's hard for me to trust in Him someimes..cause He's so BIG and so real to me.. but i guess as humans we're always kinda stuck in this one dimension of feelings/thoughts especially in times of crisis and can't look past them and remember God, which is why i guess i need to involve Him more in my life. every aspect of it.. so that however big the problem i can be calm and reassured knowing that the mightiest Being the universe, is right beside me ..rubhi
Child of God;
8:48 PM
Thursday, April 13, 2006
hi bloggie!!!
it's been a real long while since i've blogged but even now i can't blog for long. too much work to do!! the computer's fixed and ready for use! hurrah! and we found ka jenny's scripts! hurrah again! :D I was reading karyn's blog and karyn, you're seriously the sweetest!! I totally feel the same actually. Karyn's been yet another great blessing God has placed in my life and i really wouldn't have grown as much or yearned to learn more about Christ if it weren't for her. Thanks Karyn for discussing so many things about Christianity with me! I'm really grateful for such a wonderful partner. God just arranges things so brilliantly doesn't He? I just wanna thank God right now for putting so many loving people in my life that have helped me so much along the way. Like abigail and pastor ian and amaria and karyn. But for every person God brought into my life, He required me to take a step of faith. Like to join that GIG course, where i met abigail, or reply that email from pastor ian, or join a cell group, where i met amaria, or talk to my fellow classmate (karyn!). we need to get out of our comfort zone, take a step of faith, confront our fears if we want God to change our lives. it starts with us! we can't just expect it and wait. i also wanna thank God for the wonderful church He's put me in. It's really an environment that i can learn in. the teachings are purely scripture-based and when looking for answers we always turn to God or His Word, which really helps me cause i think way too much and i would never be satisfied with answers thought up by humans however, intelligent or trustworthy. I also wanna thank God for the great friends He's put in my life like Sarah, sindhuja praba and karyn. i know i don't have many friends but i can always count on them to be absolutely loyal and that's all i need! loyal, true friends, that even wait for like an hour for you to arrive so they can start eating lunch with me, however famished they may be. I really don't know what i'd do in school without them, they're people i can relate to and talk to at a personal level and yet they're people i can debate with and laugh over a disagreement. They're people who'll buy you fulscap and give you pens they don't need when they know you're always short of them! (thanks again karyn!) I thank God so much for them, and thanks family who was praying at e beginning of last year for me to find good friends. I did. well i better start doing some work now although it IS like 12 am already.. and i need to wake up at 9.. maybe i'll sleep now and wake up earlier tmw. ya. that's what i'll do. goodnight then! sweet dreams blog!
Child of God;
8:29 AM
Saturday, March 18, 2006
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
And I will be still and know you are God
Hi blog-ster. so it's been a REALLY fun week. i've just been having fun and more fun but God's telling me really clearly that it's gonna stop in let me see.. 2 days. wait. one day.. when my school starts again. it's gonna be hectic. it might even get mad.. but God's preparing me.. I can feel it. through alot of things. like songs. like when i heard this song again after a really long time during cell. God was just reminding me that there's really nothing to be afraid of and if i'm stressed or worked up or get obsessed as usual with my need to plan that He is King over all of that and there's no need to stress out.
I typed all of the above :D like 5 days ago meaning to finish up e draft and exactly what i predicted has happened. it's gtting so extremely busy but i just HAVE to type this. you see last satyurday after i came back from piano class.. i thought i'd brought back my piano bag, but it seems i didn't. mom mentioned the envelope with ms ong's and mark's money and asked me where it was but i had on idea. we searched the whole house but we couldn't find the envolopes. then mom suggested that they might be in my piano bag. then we searched all over for that, but couldn't find it. i just couldn't find it, but i was SO SO sure that i'd brought it home. so i just kept searching and re-searching when i got home from school but still couldn't find it. and i could have gotten really worried and agitated and so could my mom, but i had prayed that God would help me find it. that He would teach me a lesson but still help me find it in the end. and i just had faith that He would, and i'm sure God gave me and my mom alot of that faith cause now tihnking about it, i'm quite shocked we weren't more worried about it with so many books in that bag and maybe so much money. whatever it was, my mom and i didn't talk about it much, maybe fret over it a few seconds, but we were always confident God would bring it to us eventually, we didn't know when, but we knew He would. And God taught me a huge lesson, one that i didn't expect to be taught which was that faith and perseverence always delivers. today pa and me just sat down at the dining table and pa asked me to remember everything that happened. and i was actually quite annoyed cause i had recalled everything SO MANY times! but i decided nevermind i'll just try again.. and then i remembered!!! i'd gone to that christian bookshop to buy Rohan a cd and had left it on e ground while listening to it!! i knew at that moment that God had given me that revelation. nothing else! i mean i'd forgotten completely the past few days about my going there at all.. even when i saw the cd! and i knew that God in His own perfect timing had reminded me. What i learnt most from it all was that God wants eachof us to pray having COMPLETE trust that He has heard and that He will grant us whatever unless what we ask for is not the best way or is ging to hurt us somehow. but whetver the answer, yes or no, God wants us to have faith. there's no harm in it! but ALSO God's taught me that it's not only about faith, it's also about (well in my case) trying and trying again. it's about perserverence and sometimes hard work + faith. I was just reading ka jenny's book Glimpses of God and it has such an appropriate story. It was about a moment in the life of the evangelist, Dwight L. Moody. He was on a voyage in a ship and a boiler exploded during the journey annd the ship caught fire (it was wooden:)) and they formed a "bucket brigade" and tried to extinguish the fire. then one of the younger boys felt that they should all go to the end of the ship and pray cause "only prayer's gonna save us now". But Moody was like "Boy, you can pray and pass the buckets at the same time. Get with it!" And I tihnk God is really telling me faith and prayer's not enough.. hard work with strength that He will give me is what's needed. and it makes loads of sense. I mean if every problem were to go away if we just prayed and had faith and then if we just, slept and waited for it to go away, we wouldn't grow at all would we? we'd end up using God and not facing the trials on Earth and learning. And that also links up to my studies. i mean i'm always praying that God will give me the strength to study and having faith that He'll help me during my exams, but that's not all. God wants me to get off my butt and do some ACTUAL work. He's telling me that He can only give me the strength if i am willing to start doing some real work that requires perserverence and intelligence i do not have.. but right now i'm still slacking around.. waiting for god to bring me a miracle. wellllllllllllllll. anyway thank y0ou God for reminding me where e piano bag is.. and also for teaching me all those things!!! oh i know anyone who's reading this is probably wondering about e envelopes.. but i haven't actually gotten the bag.. it's in e shop and i'm collecting it on saturday with sure faith that they are! :D ..rubhi
Child of God;
1:53 AM
Thursday, March 09, 2006
well prabs i know it's a really hard concept to grasp but the fact still, and always will remain that so many many things cannot be explaied if there were no God. How did this World get created? how were we created? i mean we obviously can't have created ourselves, because that just doesn't make sense. and how do we know what's good and what's bad? where did knowledge come from? i mean you said the brain's amazing isn't it? isn't it's Creator so much more. i mean personally, i just can't look out of the window and say i created that. or it just appeared there. and like you said people need God and need one to sustain them through life and help them when they're down. and yea it IS a weakness! but let's say we did create a God to sustain ourselves.. then when I ask for that sustinence, comfort, help who is the one giving it to me? and about the love thing. i think you got me wrongly. what i said was that the love we find in that "someone special" cannot satisfy us in the end, because it is imperfect love. we say our i hate yous all the time even if you make up again after that and from that you can see that imperfect love. it's not always unconditional. so all i said was that love from another person is not perfect love that can complete you like God's love can cause every person is sinful and imperfect as you know. i mean love from another is very important, cause if it wasn't, God would have just made Adam, but instead He said "I will make a suitable helper for him", and made Eve out of Adam's very own rib. so what i'm saying is that that love received from that someone is very important, but one can still live without it like loads of people have (like Paul!) cause God is the one who sustains them. Like I said in my previous entry, Christianity is about believing in the one that takes away the wrath of God from you for your sins, so going to heaven or hell we believe, is determined by weather the wrath of God is still on you or not; so no, religion doesn't mean more caring and considerate people. it's about truth. anybody can be kind and considerate but not just anybody can accept the fact that they are imperfect and need redemption. and i know that you don't feel Go'ds prescence now, but that's mainly cause God's knocking at the door of your heart even right this minute, but it takes faith on your part to open that door ..rubhi
P.S i'm not too sure about that choir party anymore.. hmmm...
Child of God;
2:36 AM
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
hey bloggie..
so.. guess what. it's like my second day giving up tv and i'm already starting to realise what a hold it's had on my life. how much well, clutter it has created. oh! and guess what!! i ALMOST lost my wallet.. AGAIN! yep. but when i found out i'd left it again on e bus i knew what i had to do. it was out of my hands so i just prayed that God would deliver it into e hands of a nice person who would return it and He did just that. gave me a nice little punishment cause i had to walk 45mins home, but He also probed me to think alot and i've realised that when i get out of e bus, it's not e fact that i have my wallet with me that's e victory, it's e fact that i KNOW that e wallet is there. i mean loads of times i come out of e bus i furiously check my bag to see if i'd kept my wallet cause if it is, i unconsciously put it there. so yupp. it being there alone isn't gonna be what i'm happy about about anymore. and i realised that all this is really part of e whole forgetfulness part of me!!!! and that like mom said i just have to be more AWARE of e things that are happening around me you know?yup.. so prabs!! i know you're really confused now but first, let's all take a breather!.. aaaaaaahhhhhh. that felt good :) (i'm KINDA weird:))
So let me first explain what lent is. it's the forty days leading up to Easter Sunday. it's forty cause of the forty days fast of moses, elijah and Jesus himself, but personally i don't think the figure really matters. Lent is basically the time in which Christians prepare for Easter. It's not doing something to please God, it's just about giving up distractions to concentrate on God. It's a time to remember Jesus' crucifixion, to repent of our sins and just gain back sight of our purpose in life. so we give up something that's been distracting us from God and use the time (like when i'm not watching tv for 2 hrs) to spend time meditating on His word and remembering the grace He has showered on us. GOD DOES NOT REQUIRE US TO DO IT. i tihnk that was your main conern ya? we're not doing it cause it's just some compulsory thing in christianity. God loves you just as much if you don't do it. it's what we do out of our love for God. out of our want to be closer to God. and that's achieved as you take out e worldly clutter of life.
I think one big question you were asking out of that was why should we do things trying to reach God's standards when we already know we can't and when God already knows He can't. well that's e main difference between Christianity and alot of other religions, we don't. we don't like you said "not eat meat on certain days or poke oneself with needles to repay God", all we do, like go to church take holy communion, celebrate lent is basically all out of our love for God. christians are still redeemed even if they don't go to church or celebrate christmas or lent, as long as they believe in Jesus Christ. and why is that? cause you see before Jesus came, the people were contantly (like in Islam) sacrificing goats, lambs, sheep cattle and even their first borns, to gain atonement from God for their sins. to gain um redemption you know? ya. but when Jesus, the Son of God came down to Earth, He died on the cross as a sacrifice for all our sins and that's why He's called the Lamb of God. cause you know, He was like a lamb being sacrificed for the atonement of everyone's sins, only much, much bigger. and that's why only if one bleieves in Christ will they be saved, cause if they don't then God's wrath is still on them and they have not been atoned for our redeemed. make sense eh. so UNLIKE other religions, christians don't have to do good works, like pierce needles onto their bodies or avoid purple:) or sacrifice animals to redeem themselves cause Jesus has alreadylinked us to God Himself. cause it was our sins that were getting in the way of our having a relationship with God, but with Jesus overcoming that, we can. phew. i hope you understand now. "Why then do you have to try to please him/her by abstaining from certain things, like TV, in your case." you see i don't HAVE to prabs. i do it out of love for God, out of wanting my life to be a holy sacrifice for Him, out of wanting to clear up the clutter in my life to make more time for my relationship with God.
you also said "Why do you see a need to always be closer to God or please him/her when you already know that he/her is as close to you as is possible?" It's true, yup, i DO know that God is as close to me as possible, but that doesn't mean that I am as close to God as i possibly can be. and that need is created in me by God. why? cause God made us and wants to be partners with us throughout our lives so that we may be complete in Him. that need has been created in everyone, even you prabs. why else do we all look for a God? i mean why did we even START asking that quesition who is God? EVERYONE has asked it. not one has not at all thought about it. everyone chooses their own path whenever in life they may find it. i mean you decided to be agnostic, but only after searching and thinking about a God. fact is, that need for God, that need to know a higher being, that need to find completion is a god-given need so that you may find Him standing right next to you.
you also asked"And why, pray tell, do you seem to think that TV, studies and whatever else is keeping you away from God? Wasn't he the one who put you on this Earth, knowing very well that you will grow to love all these things and maybe forget him/her a little?". well yes He did put us on this Earth but He did not create the TV or whatever else would distract one from Him (cause it's all quite personal), he LET us create them. yes He did know that we will grow to love these things more than Him and forget Him, it's practically everywhere in the Bible, but that is created by sin. our sin. our sin has pushed God out of our lives. our sin has made us forget that the Greatest and Holiest is God. that all glory belongs to Him. so basically, (i'm using this word way to much:)) I think TV and EXCESSIVE studies (actually it's just the fact that school takes away the focus of, actual learning which eventually leads to glorifying God, to studying/memorising to get the marks) does keep me away from God cause it distracts me away from the main focus of my life, God, but it is not God that created this distraction. it's our own sin.
"And why, and this probably made me the most indignant, do you think that love is just spending time with another sinner? Is that how people with a religion have classified themselves and others? As sinners? Well, that is terribly tragic. I do not consider myself a sinner, I consider myself a mere human, learning new things everyday and growing to appreciate the world and people around me and also myself." okay i sincerely don't understand your first line. love is just spending time with another sinner? when did i say that? love is much, much more.but you answered your question in e next line, in e following one. you said that you considered yourself a "mere human". what does a mere human mean? it means you're not perfect. you mean every human has done wrong and therefore when one does wrong, we say that we are merely human. so you see we all know that we have done wrong and that there is NO HUMAN that has never done wrong, or sinned in their entire life. not one. so instead of saying we are mere human, we say we are sinners. is it not essentially the same thing? we all do wrong and we all learn from those wrongs but that does not mean we are immediately redeemed cause God is Holy. and that level of Holiness cannot be reached by any of us. which is why we are redeemed by the atonement of our sins by the sacrifice of God's Son. you see! it all makes so so much sense!:) okay i better not get too excited. hehe.
"I am not at all ashamed to say that I do tend to look forward to things like American Idol and Survivor and huge shopping trips; it's what makes me human, but most importantly, it's what makes me happy. And I'm sure God, if such a person truly exists, wants us all to be happy. And by giving up TV, what are you doing? Creating more time to spend with God? It's all rather silly (I'm SO sorry if I'm offending you, but I find this whole idea very hard to swallow) if you ask me. Anyway, what does talking to God acheive?" you're right-o again! God DOES want us to be happy!!! and He does want us to enjoy the things of the World but He does not want us to be attached to them cause they can only provide temporary happiness. I'm not giving up American Idol cause i shouldn't enjoy these things, i should! but i'm giving them up cause they're things that I look forward to, and when they end i get so upset cause they've played such a big part of my happiness. God wants us all to realise that we can't depend on the temporary happiness that we feel on Earth cause that can't sustain you. and you see personally that was e trouble i was having. i was constantly looking for things to sutain me, to bring me that short-lived pleasure and so i've given it up for 40 days to find the love and happiness that God wants to give me so that i may once again sustain myself on that love! on God! because He is the only never-ending thing that exists. HE is the ONLY thing that one can depend on because everything else will fade away. no. He's the only thing WORTH depending on cause everythine else will fade away. s what God's saying is, go ahead! ahve fun! enjoy e pleasures of the World, but don't depend on them cause when they end you'll just be groping aorond for more of these pleasures and never be fully complete, satisfied.
okay about the second part of your quesiont, what does talking to God achieve? in other words, why talk to God? Well firstly, christianity isn't really a religion, it's a relationship with God and in relationship, it's natural that we relate to Him by talking to Him. He mainly talks to us through His Word and our questions are answered, we are comforted (like e time after my geog exam remember?) and we can give thanks for our blessings. you are just in this secure place. this place where you know you can't be shaken. you remember your purposes in life, i mean when you set aside time for God everyday, your life just gets back on track, you remember everyday your focus in life, God. the centre of your life, your decisions. you remember that God leads the way and you're just, secure. it's quite ahrd to explain, but it comes with a relationship with God. and you say talking to God isn't gonna change the World, but prayer is talking to God and God can change the World. but that also requires faith on your part. God said that faith can move mountains and it can also cure the sick and help the needy. God is has all the power inthe World. many people tend to forget that.
you also said,"And besides, so what if you can't take material things with you after death, at least you got to enjoy them while you're still alive." the saying/verse isn't saying that you can't enjoy the material things in life at all. God says enjoy them! but don't depend on them. Well anyway i believe that in the whole of eternity, our life here on earth is a small little dot and that the rest of eternity is spent in heaven, so is it not more important the treasures stored up there (the joy and peace experienced form being eith God) rather than our earthly treasures. is that not what we should be looking forward to??
"If there truly was a God who made me so beautifully perfect, with no birth defects and a fully-functioning brain, I don't believe in being thankful and worshipping him and "pleasing" him all my life. I believe in playing God and trying to perfect someone else's life." you must understand that doing good for yourself andespecilly for other is mainly what pleasing God consists of. IT's written all over the Bible that doing good pleases God. One of our main purposes on Earth is to do good, which pleases God. "For we are Go'd workmanship, created inChrist Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do". light-bulb moment?? yea. so a lot of things please God, one major thing being doing good works:) okay i've answered every question that i can find to e best of my ability in your blog so i hope this has helped ..rubhi
Child of God;
1:54 AM
Sunday, March 05, 2006
hey bloggie!!!!!!
i've got so much to think about. so many decisions to make and it's so terribly hard. i don't make many of my decisions. i usually follow someone else or ask for answers (my mom loves giving em). i think it's time i make my own decisions. so first up.... worship team!!! should i join it or not? will i be creating more stress for myself or will i be helping myself shift my focus from studies, school and more school to pleasing God in other ways and having a more rounded life. i mean i DO need to be more involved in church and get to know more so that i can find other ways to help out. AND even if it IS my o-level year, next year i'm gonna be in JC!! and e year after that it'll be my A-LEVEL year! and so on and so on.. SO, instead of procrastinating i think i'll just join. but as a trainee first:) okay now that's settled. second thing. what shall i give up for lent??? i'm tihnking TV. but is that a bit too much? okay reasons: 1. it takes up alot of my time. because of TV i take like an hour to eat my lunch/dinner whatever and that time could be used to have some quiet time with God instead. and i just watch it for e sake of watching too. i sometimes just watch nonsense shows too. i really don't know why. AND i'm forever looking forward to tv programmes throught e week . I mean i'm either waiting for American Idol or Survivor or some other reality tv show. and i shouldn't be. but why??? well cause i'll start being sustained on them and that can NEVER be good cause like everything except God, they'll end. (i HAVE to keep reminding myself:)) and i started thinking maybe i'll give up like meat. i mean tv is to relax! and what am i gonna talk about to my friends if i don't watch AMI. i mean meat is MCUh more difficult to give up. THEN i realised i was just making up excuses cause it's not true. tv's what's gonna be most difficult to give up but i tihnk i'm gonna grow out of it. i REALLY think so. to know that ic an get through my week without TV? that's gonna make me realise what an awesome God I know. i mean food and stuff sure i know God supplies that and that even if i was stuck in a desert God would still provide food, but would i really be, sustained??? it's because i try to sustain myself on programmes and trips and performances that i don't realise how much of that sustinence is from God. i use the word sustain ALOT. but i think that's one of e key problems i face and i can't think of any other word! think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think. sorry. i keep typing tihnk!!! anyway i tihnk (THINK!) that's about all i need to clear up with myself. so i'm joining e worship ministry for back-up singing and giving up TV for lent. sounds good. better go finish up my work ..rubhinni
Child of God;
1:45 AM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
helooooooos!!
i'm here instead of doing work again. am still having loads of phlegm in my throat. it's actually mucus that's travelling down that whatcha-ma-call-it (never realised that that's really what-you-might-call-it:)) canal and i just keep swallowing it cause i'm so tired of spitting it out into some tissue and getting my tongue all dry after wiping the phlegm off it. i know. eeeeeee. and e nasal spray is quite intoxicating especially when your nose is all blocked in e first place. oh and um, john who commented on this blog, i really don't want people rating my blog sorry. i'll feel pressurized to type interesting things and e purpose of this blog is not to entertain :). anyway i seriosuly doubt you're gonna be checking to see if i really joined that thing so i'm really typing to no one. Pastor Ian did a series on boyfriend and girlfriend (don't you think they're kind of stupid names to give?) relationships these past few weeks and surprisingly it was quite interesting. i mean i've always thought i've had enough cme lessons and "talks in the hall" to know just about everything about e topic but i didn't. like i never knew that there IS still that thought that one day my prince will come and carry me away from all my troubles etched in the back of my mind although i know logically that'll never happen. and it's all because of these fairytale stories, movies about perfect couples and strangers meeting online and "falling in love"(i strongly believe that can never happen:)) that unknowingly influence teens everywhere. i mean so many are blinded from e fact that you'll never find that perfect man although you can see it in marriages everywhere. i personally have never seen a "movie-perfect" marriage or a 'happily ever after' ending in real life. I think in the end what everyone's really looking for is that sense of completion and satisfaction and unfortunately movies potray that completion through a partner very very well. and that just ends up in a person waiting a third of their lives for that 'special someone' and then end up not finding satisfaction though them and becoming desperate. but then again it IS in these times of desperation that people find God's perfect love. fact is we can never find completion in a another sinful, imperfect human being can we? cause they're looking for e exact same thing too. i mean i see so many of my friends so desperate to get a boyfriend that they put up pictures of boys from other schools on their computers they've never even talked to before, only seen. and it's ruining their studies. it's ruining their already shaky morals, principles. i mean one doesn't go looking for a partner, when it's e time God will present someone before you and i so wish i could tell them that. well i guess i can. i'm personally just so thankful that I've already found my prince charming, Jesus and that well, He's taught me these things. And i guess now it's my turn to help others ..rubhinni (i love my name!)
Child of God;
4:17 AM
Friday, February 24, 2006
hey bloggie!!!!!
so guess what. e main common tests are finally over and i SINCERELY have no idea how they went. weather i'll pass or fail. no idea. but i'm quite glad they're over. ire all yneeded time to just SLEEP. i slept e whole day today with alot of interruptions from my mom, but i still selpt for like 2and a half hours. then i watched AMI hen i watched survivor and now i'm here. hwat a lazy pig right? but you know what. i seriously don't tihnk feeling guilty the minute i stop doing work is very healthy at all. i mean sure our brain needs some exercise once in a while but so does are body, and spirit and they need rest too! i think i'm really gonna start going into studying as a form of learning rather than scoring well. i mean for years people would tell me to study for God and for years it's been ahrd for me to get, i mean why does God want me to study?? okay, to learn. so i'm gonna study to purely learn. cause when i go into an exam or start studying and say i'll do this for God I think, there're so many other ways to please God. So now i'm gonna just study all my subjects with e mindset of me learning from it all. i'm not gonna concentrate on six subject so i get those 6 A1s cause that's not e point of school, of education. learning is. so i'm just gonna learn as much as i can about each subject and then pour everything i've learnt and remembered up to that point onto e exam papers. grades will always only be grades but learning is a lifetime journey (gosh i sound like a lifetime learning add:)) and i know that's what God wants me to do, to learn and make e most out of my life here on earth. well i'll update more tomorrow, got lots more to say but i'm gonna call my kajenny now and wake her up! toodaloos! ..rooooooooooooooooo
SHE'S NOT IN!!! :( and i ran into e dark living room and switched on e lights and fan and everything too!!! with all e creatgures of e night probably staring at me. now i have e music on quite loud to shoo any insects that might be attracted to me as they usually are. i don't know why i'm so afraid of insects. i seriously don't. and i wish i did cause they're not all that scary are they? i mean haven't i had enough encounters to be used to them?? actually i'd ratehr call it an extreme disgust. but um okay it's getting to dark and creepy and weird sounds are coming so i'm gonna go try and sleep and finish up tomorrow. me and nights just don't mix.:)
Child of God;
7:13 AM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
hey bloggie!!
Singapore's weather is so weird, yet cute. it suddenly started pouring just now and i switched e computer on to blog and by e time e computer loaded the heavy rain had turned into a light drizzle. oh singapore. i feel SO safe here. there's this one killer on e loose who shot a father and tied up e rest of e family in Serangoon and the Police blocked off roads and sent out descriptions of the man everywhere and the aorport police are on high alert now!!! so he's probably somewhere in hiding not daring to do anything now. and i was so freaked out at first and then realised these things happens in bigger countries all the time and NOTHING like what is being done here could be or is being done there so i'm feeling all blessed to be in such a safe and well-governed counry. okay NOW i understand what mom and the infamous Mr.Ravi keep saying about my super long sentences. hehe. I had my english and social studies common tests today. sigh.............. english was OK i GUESS. but social studies ayoh. what can i say??? it was such a mess? i didn't have enough time?? the irritating thing is if i just had the whole day to think and not be pressurized thinking about how little time I had i'd like ace it. SERIOUSLY!! but i don't. and it's frustrating cause people who don't even study and don't even CARE about social studies are getting higher marks than me!! argggh. it's totally not faaaaaiiiiiiirrrrrr! i really can't stand this system of having to do exams in a fixed time. it just adds so much pressure. and it becomes a test of how fast you write and how much you've memorized and can vomit out rather than something that requires intelligence or further thinking or analysis. but i can't do anything about it which is what frustrates me so much!! i mean e whole exam system is like that. what can I do. the thing is mom's ALWAYS taught me that i can always do something about it and usually i can but this is so much out of my hands. i can't change the whole of singapore's exam system. siiigggggggghhhhhhhh. ah well, when things are out of my hands I know where to turn to so i'll be fine:) SOO can't wait for Maya akka Owen Rohan and Charllene to come down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i better not get too excited in case they can't make it afterall. also if i do i'll be doing everything looking forward to them coming down and miss them SO much when they leave. it's still been hard for me to look forward to heaven as I go about my life and i think it might take a while. i guess however much i try to grow up fast i'm still such a teen:) i'm feeling really sick. throughout the exams i would suddenly like not be able to concentrate and i would start to see things out of proportion. like blown up. it's just that you're gonna get sick feeling. and i HATE it. that phlegm thing i got in London still hasn't gone away.yup. 4MONTHS! and it still hasn't stopped. the phlegm. oh the phlegm. it's just getting me more prone to sickness. mom thinks i might have asthma!!!! cause e phlegm kinda come esp after running or drinking something cold. but i've been taking my vitamins and drinking so much water that i'm deemed as "ALWAYS needing to go to the toilet". ah well. it's still nice being sick cause you can just sleep in all day and most of all NOT STUDY ( i bet my mom's gonna make me study after reading this:)) okay okay i better go. feeling guilty already for spending like 15mins blogging. will go read through some physics now.seeeeeeeee yaaaaaaaaa! -you-know-who
Child of God;
3:20 AM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
WARNING. OUTRAGEOUSLY LONG ENTRY. READ AT YOUR OWN EYES' RISK :)
hey bloggie!!! i have so much work i'm starting to feel sick but i'm sure i'll manage with God by my side! i'm really gonna get into the habit of praying and asking God for perseverance and strength to do my work before i start cause it really helps. more like God really helps me :) You know i actually asked God to give me some trial in my life the other day?? i know. how weird am i?? i guess i was just feeling so blessed! But God answers all questions however dumb and He told me something to the extent that they'll come and sometimes all at one blow, and these times of happiness and blessing are what i'm gonna remember and get over my trial with, and are what will help me to remember that there's a God holding my hand every step of the way through my trials. Oh by the way, I think they've started! haha! I just felt really overwhelmed this morning before church and even after service to the point of feeling sick because of all the work i have to do but as the day passed God just kept assuring me that if i just put my burdens in His hands He will take care of me. I don't know how He assured me, I just know He did. it's so hard to explain moments like those. you just KNOW eh?
And I just read your entry prabs! and well my reply is you're partly right! well it's not that God wouldn't mind your skeptism, it's just that God knows and does not condemn you for having it cause He knows we're human and imperfect. you're also saying that accepting God would be easy cause you could blame everything on Him and get help from Him whenever you need Him and life would just be a piece of cake and you'd never grow and just be babied around right? Well you touched on ALOT of things prabs just in that one sentence. so let me reply one by one ya?:)
Firstly, accepting the existence of God does not equal to blaming everything on Him. there are mainly three things that causes suffering in general. one, our own sin (e.g. taking drugs, smoking - addiction), secondly, other people's sin (eg. wars, greed, hate. jealousy). and thirdly, there's Natural Disasters. now that's a hard topic but Jesus does say many times in the Bible that an indication of the coming of the end are natural disasters. When asked about the signs of the End of the Age Jesus said "Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places" Matthew24:7 i'm not too sure about the natural disasters part of suffering but i'm sure someone or rather will comment and explain! :) but WHATEVER it is I believe that God works through suffering. so basically believers actually know MORE than others that their suffering is because of their humanly sin and not because of God, but I think that God does put trials in your life to help you grow.
So on your second part of the question, I feel suffering brings us to maturity. God is much more interested in making us holy rather than happy and He often uses suffering to bring about His good purpose. my sister gave a really good example once but i can't remember it now. so sister! please comment and say that incident again! So basically it's all linked. The trials that we bring upon ourselves or that God puts in place are there to help us grow and mature and because of these our lives are not just all free and easy. But God is there to help yes. not to SOLVE, HELP. we still need to do that bit of growing up, but that growing up also involves one learning to depend on God and seeking help from God knowing we're imperfect and helpless really. so you're sentence "Life without God would be harder, don't you think?" is right! cause you'd experience the same troubles and trials but have no higher power to depend on to assure you that things not in your own hands will come through because He is in-charge of all! because you wouldn't have that Creator to assure you, have faith, and Divya will come on time and you can catch the premiere of the movie on time (remember that incident??). i could tell you loads of incidents where God has comforted me, helped me and taught me valuable lessons at the same time.
you also typed "God being God (assuming he IS nice and saintly and all that) would help me even if I don't believe in him right?" And you don't believe He's helping you now already, you not believing in Him:)? I don't think ANYTHING OR ANYONE else could have blessed us with the homes, the families the friends, the education, the food that we have now. But anyway, let's just say everyone doesn't believe in Him and He just keeps giving everyone everything they need. Everyone will start believing that they themselves are getting what they need because of their OWN hard work and will never realise the pure existence of God or who is giving them that ability to work hard. So God IS good, cause by helping us only when we believe in Him and by having faith that He will help us, He teaches us that it is only through Him that we exist and that we are helpless without Him. it is only through this that God shows His glory, his power, his involvement in our lives.
okay it's not ONLY through that. you can see His glory in His creation as well. I mean who can look at the sky, at the seas, at the meandering rivers and the alluvial floodplains :) and say that it all just "appeared" here. There is a Creator and He sure didn't just create all of this and take a vacation to Pluto or something. He's too involved in my life for me to even think that we've been distanced from Him. You know you typed there's too much against the existence of God to prove it. but i don't think i need to prove it. I think his wonderful creations, you and me and our intricately designed bodies and the World around us lie testimony to His existence. I have yet to find anyone who opposes that. I mean if there is no God how does the sun keep revolving around the Earth so that thee is night and day, I mean it can too go on vacation to Pluto or bounce around in space:) well I have SO much more to say but I'm sure your eyes are hurting by now my dear prabs but please keep asking me questions. You know I'd never believe in anything, dedicate my life to something I wasn't sure existed. I'm sure you know me well enough:) but I understand that everyone's different, and you probably look at it all at a more intellectual viewpoint like my cousin.
And by the way, you will never find anything in the Bible backing up agnosticism:) cause from the first page to the last page, it's all about God. And there is SOOOOOO much evidence to prove that the Bible is true and I'd get you a book (newly published!) with all of it if you'd read it, but the facts can get quite boring(or maybe that's just me). Along with a REAL Bible, not the weird fake one you have at home! haha! Hilarious. Actually, I must say it was reading God's Word that really started me believing in Jesus. You just can't deny it:) Phew! That was one long entry! Haha! Ah well. I hope it was informative for you Prabs. Okay I better go finish up my SS studying. See ya on Monday prabs. And thanks. This really cleared up my thoughts too.
Child of God;
3:22 AM
Saturday, January 28, 2006
helloooooooooooooos.
i'm feeling super lazy again. just don't feel like doing work (when do i?) especially when no one else in the house is. mom's sleeping and pa's on e phone as usual. i wish something exciting'd happen. i've just realised that the most exciting things that happen in my life are me and my friends going to watch a movie or eating lunch together. wow! how adventurous. i wonder what other dangers we might encounter on our next visit to... The Mall. but well, at least i'm safe. bored, but safe :) i really need to start planning out my days and make FULL use of them. i tend to laze around and stuff alot which i need to stop doing cause i'm really not maximising the day and end up watching tv for like 2 hours before going to bathe and then contemplate comprimising my Quiet Time time but of course i never will. it's so much more important and i enjoy it too much:) i was in one of my thinking moods the other day and i realised something. every week, i'm always needing something to look forward to. and it's really quite sad. i mean if there's an outing on saturday, my whole week will be focussed on e fact that there's something good at the end of the tunnel/week and my week'll go that much quicker. i'm always looking for things to look forward to and if i can't find one, i make one, however small it may be. like i'll ask my mom if we can go shopping after my piano lesson on saturday, or go to Thai express for lunch on sunday. i'm not really dependant on it but i still hold onto it. and i've realised now that there's a much bigger tunnel at the end of which there's something MUCH greater eh?whenever i think of going to heaven, or anticipating it, i don't think of that inheritance like alot of pastors and cell leaders ask us to. i just don't. i mean i've heard loads of sermons/cell words about looking forward to your coming inheritance especially during the hard times of your life but that's just, i don't know, unsatisfactory for me kind of. maybe it's cause i just can't understand what my inheritance (eternal and unfading joy, peace..) will feel like.maybe it's cause my conception of eternal joy has the limit it has on earth. it's just unimaginable. but God isn't. God isn't unimaginable at all. shouldn't it be the other way around?? that's what i look forward to when i think about heaven, not e inheritance, it's meeting the eternal God!!! my CREATOR. whaao. oh!!!! so our inheritance is that joy and peace we get from seeing and being with our God?? now THAT joy i can imagine. i so can't wait!!! eeeeek!!--(that was so totally poser. eeek?? eew!) i love having a blog where i can clear out my thoughts like i told anita akka. thanks for e idea ka! so i know now that through my week, i should have one and only one focus. my meeting with God and doing my best for Him so that it's guaranteed! :) oh shishkebab. mom just reminded me of all e work i've gota do. oh fiiiine. i'll see you around bloggie!!! until next time.. toodaloos!
Child of God;
2:56 AM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
guess who's back again. well kajenny, since you're half way aorund the World and all i thought i should give a quick recap of my stress here. i can't stand school. i wish someone'd kick me out of it and i could just bum around home the rest of my life. there you go. :) nevertheless it's still been fun. e teachers just pamper you so much and actually talk to you like you're a normal human being and not just some dog going through training. no more demerits cause you FORGET to bring your textbook, no more warnings cause your shoelaces are untied, no more you shut up and i'll talk class time. we actually get to say our opinions and talk to the teachers like friends. they love us. well they desperately want us to do well but yah. same thing. (as sindhuja would put it). i seriosuly don't know what i'd do if i didn't have the few friends i do tohugh. i'd just be miserable and without friends. i just can't relate to anyone else in my class and it's not like i haven't tried it's just that they're funny, is not my funny. SERIOUSLY! anyway these few weeks have been well interesting. i learnt alot. esp from ka jenny leaving. surprisingly enough, it was worse this time. i guess it was cause we were all trying to be really strong and you could see it. and also cause it's worse once you remember again how it feels to have her around and then to let her go again. i know it sounds super sappy (i was gonna right soapy:)) but it's truuuuuue!! i was soo sad e night she left esp cause she just HAD to start crying and all. oh ka jenny. and that's kinda e last image i had of her so you can only imagine how long i remembered it. but well e thing is i really did learn alot from it. i was reminded of that verse in Matthew 10 where it says never to love your parents (or sister:)) more than God for well He IS our creator. and it's not that i feel too attached or anythin cause i'm only 16 and i have a right to be :) but i realised that what i think about EVERYONE ELSE having other things like actors, money, popularity, stories to sustain them rather that our eternal God, applies to me too. i realised that although i'd like to believe that God's the only one who sustains me, that well, He's not. my family does. the love of my family does. i'm always needing hug therapy and kisses, but these are only physical things. they'll all fade away like every other thing on this earth but God won't. He never will. and no one on earth can EVER EVER love me like He does but why is it so hard for me to love Him back? I realise now that love is much deeper. i used to think that i was so totally in love with God when i first accepted Christ like last June and He was just showering me with blessing after blessing, miracle after miracle. But now i know that all that was just so that my faith will be kept strong through memories of them and that what i felt from that was not love, it was gratefulness. love is much deeper. ( for some reason i'm reminded of that weird art film we watched in the Tait:)) it's something that's hard to grasp cause we think we're loving our King but are we really? am I really willing to give up my family for Him? But i know God understands that we'll never love Him as much as He loves us and that my earthly desire (love from other people) will be hard to break, mostly cause it's more physical, some thing you can experience more readily, but i must say, never fully fulfilling :) when i went to cell last week i found evryone else experiencing almost the same kinda trouble. Noel was also findin it hard to be sustained by God when you can't directly see him, or hug Him. Vicky was finding that going back to the basic questions of Christianity was really hard for her. abigail was startingto find comfort in God's Word and so on. so everyvody's problems were interlinked and we just did a round of prayer which really touched all of us and i could really feel God's prescence and his comforting hand on all our shoulders whispering how proud He is of us. He's relaly answering our [rayers that the cell will grow together and learn more together and we're all bonding more. we even sang the most appropriate song for all of us during cluter worship. Deeper in love. i needed to grow deeper in love with God and and fulfill that longing in my heart completely. finding the truth and fulfilling your mind's thirst for knowledge WAS one part of that completion i needed but not the main part at all. now that i've discovered that truth, i wanna be closer to that truth so that i might be secure and my life might be complete.
Child of God;
12:49 AM
Friday, December 23, 2005
my first entry!!! woohoo!! i'm all hyped up after yesterday's events. I thought I should make a blog for anyone to read cause so many things are happening and have happened and I know are gonna happen :) God's touched my life so much especially this year that I just HAVE to tell everyone all He's done. that verse up there's my favourite verse by the way. so anyway it was christmas yesterday and I got diarrhea ( is that how you spell it?) in the morning. vunderful. but yea well the rest of the day was just full of us hurrying about and getting tense which is all quite sad really. well whatever it was God still made a way and we all had a great party with the relatives. I'm real glad everyone enjoyed the games we prepared!! it took us alot of energy to think up all those stuff and i was so glad we had time to play all of em. i would have been real sullen the whole day if we couldn't play just one of them (this is dedicated to ka jenny--), i'm weird like that :) anyway the last game we prepared was this game where everyone had to answer 'if' questions and when me and kajenny (to people who are abit freaked out by this foreign word that's my sis [akka+jennani=kajenny]) were setting the questions i wrote one that went 'if there was one thing that made your day what would it be' and the first thing that came to my mind was my quiet time with God which i do everyday cause it's the only time when I feel i'm really me you know?? cause God knows me best, like noone could ever, and so I just feel totally me. if you know what i mean. and I'm the sort of person who always imagines a situation like me getting that card and how I would answer the question and i'll take like 15mins just phrasing and rephrasing how i'd say it and picturing how it'd go, especially when I plan to talk to someone about God or ask a question about Christianity, but we had to go on writing so i just kinda left it hanging and forgot about it really. and yah you can guess what happened. during the game, guess which card i got. i really just burst out(okay not exactly burst, it was more of a pop:)) laughing when I got the card half wishing i'd phrased it in my mind before this and mostly thinking whao God you really planned it all out yah and knowing exactly what God wanted me to say. so i just said it.cause it was true. there's no other thing in my day that keeps me going like my time with God does. and i realised something yesterday after everyone left, there's no need to find a perfect way to say something cause if it's something God wants me to say I've just got to relax and say it cause God's putting the words in my mouth for sure. wellwell it was a great party and I know that our prayers were answered. I know everyone was touched someway or rather. oh yah another thing. i sent out christmas cards this year and cause I heard wrongly i only put mine my sis and my mom's names on the cards and i was seriously sad when mom said she would never say a thing like that and when pa was real sad and a little mad about it when atthai called to tell him. actually i was super sad cause i knew it was all my fault and i just kept asking God to turn back time so i could add pa's name and being me i kept imagining the scenario and me adding his name but i finally realised that surely there was a reason for it to happen cause i just couldn't imagine any way that i could have added it after 'hearing mom say it'. i don't know, the thought that pa might be hurt or that it was a family to another family just didn't cross my mind AT ALL and these things usually do. so well i just accepted it and found God's comfort and thank God noone even mentioned the cards yesterday and i was just soooo happy and grateful. okay i've written a tad too much now hehe. well all i have to say now is merry christmas! to anyone who's reading this and welcome back kajenny!!! i missed you loads! and it's just been such a blessing just having you around the house again!! love you!!!
Child of God;
6:18 PM
